Parenthood

There is a show on NBC on Tuesday nights called "Parenthood".  I have only seen about 1&1/2 episodes of this show, and most of the drama in it is uninteresting to me.  However, there is an 8-year-old character on the show, Max, who has Asperger's Syndrome, and that interests me a great deal.

In the episode that aired February 22, all I saw was Max being told that his social skills trainer would no longer be able to work with him.  It was an abrupt transition that he was not prepared for in advance.  His reaction was one of alarm and anger, and I thought that seemed about right for a kid on the spectrum who has to deal with a sudden change in routine and was losing a familiar person.  We have gone through this many times when, for example, a daycare teacher quits or the paraprofessional at school changes that Ben has bonded with; Ms. Ashlie, Mrs. Watson, Mrs. Finney, and Mr. Phillips are all still fondly remembered and come up in conversation and the running monologue that Ben has.

Last Tuesday's episode hit home a lot harder.  After a scene where Max insistently refused to leave the house without a particular pair of shoes, his father desperately wanted to have fun, uncomplicated father/son time, so he let Max play hooky (which Max argued about repetitively before giving in to the routine change).  It seemed to be going well.  They went to an amusement park, and Max talked obsessively about a certain roller coaster, including all of the engineering and speed specifics.  His dad promised him they could ride as many times as he wanted, they got buckled in, and then it happened. 

An announcement was made that the coaster needed repair and would not run for the rest of the day.  Max melted down.  He screamed, cried, and was genuinely distressed, not just disappointed.  He screamed that it was unfair and that his dad had said they could ride it.  He could not comprehend that it wouldn't work when it was supposed to.  He ran off and when his dad caught him, he was sobbing and shaking.  Everyone stared, the dad tried to calm him and comfort him to no avail, and in it all I saw my son.

That break down is almost exactly what happens with Benjamin.  It is not a tantrum.  It is an inability to function and accept the current situation.  It is not about being a brat.  It is about the fact that Ben is unable to process, accept, and deal with abrupt changes, transitions, and unexpected occurrences.

I expected Max to have issues with the noise and the crowd, as sensory issues are a hallmark of Autism, but I didn't catch any.  That melt down was spot-on, though.  It was terrifying and overwhelming to the parent character, who portrayed the same kind of helplessness and frustration I often feel while scrambling to calm my son down and help him cope.

Something else from that episode that struck a chord was the parents' attempt at discussing Asperger's Syndrome with Max.  He walked in on a conversation between the father and his brother (I guess) where the father blurted that Max has Asperger's.  Max appeared in the doorway, demanding to know, "What's Asperger's?"  The first time the parents tried to explain it, the mother cried the entire time, and the father was vague in answering Max's questions.  The second time they broached the subject with him, they talked about the specific issues Max has that are related to AS (not making eye contact, not being able to read social cues, needing extra help with those issues) and also his strengths that are a part of the syndrome, like his good memory, extensive knowledge about subjects of interest, and his intelligence.

I have often worried about how we will broach the subject when it is appropriate for Ben, and I think the second way was a fairly good model.  Right now, he doesn't know about it.  He doesn't know that his speech therapy, occupational therapy, and PPCD class are anything out of the ordinary, and he doesn't know that the way he does some things is viewed as peculiar by others.  I wish it could stay that way, but I know it won't. 

I know there will be a time when we have to have those hard conversations.  My main concern is that I don't want Ben to feel inferior or as if something is wrong with him.  I want him to feel valued, and loved, and capable of anything.

In the meantime, I think the show is doing a decent job of portraying a child with Asperger's, and I am glad they are doing so.  I am especially glad the character has strengths and is seen by his parents as remarkable and special, because that is exactly how I see my Ben Bear. I just hope I can help him see that in himself.