As parents, we all measure growth in our children. Physical growth, of course, but also emotional and educational growth. I'm a teacher, which means I am in the business of constantly analyzing educational growth, and of course I examine my own child with the same analytical eye. The difference between me and other parents is that a success for Ben in my mind is a daily expectation for other kids; events that are a huge accomplishment for Ben are not a big deal for most kids and are not reason for celebration.
One of the reasons I began this blog was to have a place to celebrate Ben-- his uniqueness, his strengths, and his growth. So here goes:
Ben's fine motor skills are severely delayed. At age 4&1/2, his were assessed at 18 months. That was hard to swallow. We work on fine motor skills. We string the beads and play with the blocks and the Play-Doh and color with the triangular crayons just like we are supposed to, and we started doing that right when we were supposed to, but his fine motor skills are still delayed. It's one of the areas Autism shows up the most in my child. At 5&1/2, he still cannot write his name unassisted. BUT! This year, he was able to place all of the tiny candy pieces on the cookies and he placed all of the candy on the roof and walk of the gingerbread house and all of the little dots on the gingerbread man and tree! Last year, the cookies he decorated looked nothing like that. I so should have taken pics last year for before and after, but trust me, the difference is huge!
Do you see that glorious mess?! Musical instruments, pirates, firemen and fire truck, dinosaurs, LEGOs, etc? Last year, Ben obsessed over his musical instrument toys. And that's all. That's all he touched for days. This year, less than 24 hours after opening his presents, he has played with almost every single thing he received, at least for a few minutes.
In retrospect, one of the early signs of Ben's Autism was his tendency to obsess. Lights and fans had to be on all the time. He began pretending to cook at age 2; everything became a spoon and pan and all he wanted to play with were spoons and pans. At age 3, this obsession changed to musical instruments. Everything became a musical instrument, he wanted to spend hours in front of You Tube watching people play musical instruments, and all he wanted to play with were musical instrument toys. Occasionally, he would play with a dinosaur or a car, but after a few minutes it would become a "dinosaur flute" or "car harmonica". He began speaking at 3&1/2 and a few months after he spoke his first (retained) words, he could name over a dozen musical instruments. Now he can name them all, even lutes and balalaikas and other things I did not know existed until Ben became obsessed with them.
A few months ago, an assessment by his private OT showed this might be changing. She reported that he no longer reverts to pretending to play an instrument in order to avoid therapy. We began noticing that he played with LEGOs and other things as much as his instrument toys. And now I am spending my morning joyfully watching him move from toy to toy: fire truck to pirates to drums to Legos to binoculars to pretending to be a guitar-playing pirate.
I do not have a picture to accompany the next benchmark, but it might just be the most important one. Ben made it through all of Christmas day--Santa gifts, Mommy gifts, gifts at my parents' house with grandparents and aunt and uncle, and the family gathering at my aunt's house with only ONE instance of a mini-meltdown (wanting to be a pirate instead of opening the rest of his gifts) and one instance of isolating (in the back entryway about 8 feet from the rest of us)! It may not seem like a big deal, but it is HUGE!
Another early sign of Autism that only registers as such in hind-sight is his need to isolate himself from noise, crowds, and over-stimulation. On his 2nd birthday, Ben freaked out. He cried, screamed, went into his room, and refused to be a part of the party. He did not open his gifts. He did not blow out his candles or eat his cake. He sat in the recliner with his dad reading books until everyone left. Then he was fine. I blamed it on not having taken a nap and on being two in general, but about 6 months later at my dad's 60th birthday party, he went as far back into my parents' house as he could and stayed there by himself. He would have nothing to do with the party or the people, even family members he knew well. He just wanted to play with a pan and a spoon by himself, completely away from the crowd and the noise, and attempting to draw him out led to a colossal meltdown.
Yesterday, I watched him negotiate his day and the commotion and disruption to his routine mostly with ease and was so relieved there are no words to describe it. He occasionally sought pressure to help him deal with sensory overload, but other than the one example of resisting opening packages, he handled it all like a champ. I have every hope and reason to believe that he will continue to grow and learn to navigate the world, and I am so happy for him that he was able to enjoy the holiday instead of hide from it.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday celebrating everything you celebrate, and I wish everyone a peaceful new year full of happiness and growth!
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